You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
