Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
