I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
