i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
