its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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