just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
