I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
