the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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