I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
