I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize