I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
