i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
