Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
