her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
