what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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