Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We smell like vodka and hangover
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