Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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