Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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