She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
