Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
4 words: hood of his car
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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