Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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