I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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