I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
