Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize