my vag is so smooth its legendary
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sobbing to NWA
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
