how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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