my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
