My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
