He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
