so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
