I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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