Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
