I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
