Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
