Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize