i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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