Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize