YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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