I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
