I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
