yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
