Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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