My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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