He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
