dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
