is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
