maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
