Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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