he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
