I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Even my vagina gasped.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
