just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it because I queefed?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Actions speak louder than pants.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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