You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
