I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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