I skipped work to stalk him.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
