I hate all girls vehemently.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize