it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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