I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
