how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
