he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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