Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
