So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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