Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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