I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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