u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
