Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
