Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
